Having a baby will NOT make you happy!

Before becoming a father, I had this idea in my head about what being a dad was all about. I had it all planned out. I knew what type of parent I wanted to be. I knew how I was going to make every thing work. I was going to be a legendary dad and do everything right all the time.

And then bubs came along, and all of that got thrown straight out the window…

From the very first moment I saw his beautiful little face, in between all of the love and adoration I was feeling, was this lingering sense of “what the fuck have I got myself into”.

See, nobody actually tells you how things are going to be. Post-newborn parents like to crack jokes like “make sure you get plenty of sleep before the baby comes”. You laugh along with them, not realising that they aren’t joking. Not realising they are actually a bunch of sadists who are enjoying the fact that you are about to go through the same torture they once went through themselves. Their giggles aren’t friendly banter. They lost their minds years ago.

I use to wonder why so many of the young parents I knew would end up separated within the first year of having a kid. Others just seemed to have only negative things to say about being a parent. I didn’t understand. Why the fuck did you have a kid if you didn’t want to deal with the trials of being a parent.

But I get it now.

It’s fucking hard.

And there isn’t anything that can really prepare you for it.

It will test your will power. It will test your relationships. It will test your ability to function without sleep.

It’s not like getting a new puppy. Bring him home and just give it some food and hope it doesn’t piss on the carpet.

A newborn literally can’t do anything. It needs you every second of every day. And you have to be on the ball, regardless of how you feel. When he decides its time to eat or poop, you will sort that out for him. No questions buddy.

You will question yourself. Constantly wondering if you are doing the right thing. But you don’t need to worry about that too much, as everyone else will be more than willing to let you know how it’s “suppose” to be done. Hundreds of different opinions. Just have to pick one and hope it works out I guess.

Clock time no longer exists. You are running on baby time now. When you are on baby time, it’s always a good time for breakfast. Two thirty in the morning? Hell yea let’s eat. 11:30 at night? Fuck oath get me some milk dad! Half and hour after eating first breakfast? Yaaaaaas time for second breakfast.

Going anywhere at all becomes a mission. The amount of gear you need to remember is astonishing. I use to struggle with the big three before baby was around. Wallet, keys, phone. Now there’s an itinerary for a trip to IGA for some milk.

You wana hope you and your partner built a strong foundation before bubs got here. Because when he’s screaming at three in the morning and you can’t figure out what the fuck he wants, and you get so unbelievably frustrated, there’s a good chance that frustration will get re-routed to the closest target. Just make sure you both understand that you are in the exact same boat. You need to be doing this as a team.

Even if you have the absolute worst day at work. Once you get home, you need to get into dad mode. Mums been doing it all day and needs some rest. You take baby, but he just won’t stop crying. Nothing you try is working. He can’t tell you either. So you sit there rocking back and forth, wondering what the hell you are going to do.

Then suddenly he stops…

And he makes a weird little “gooo” sound.

Then he falls asleep.

And it is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen in your entire life, and you remember that this is what you have always wanted, and that you wouldn’t change a thing.

Having a baby won’t make you happy. Happy is to simple of a word to use to describe how it will make you feel. It’s crazy, stressful, beautiful, agonising, tedious, amazing, wonderfull…. All the emotions. All squashed into one little baby shaped package.

And it is the best thing you will ever do.

If you can survive it..

I’m going to be a Dad… (Part 2)

It’s hard to picture myself as a dad. The idea of somebody looking up to me, listening to my every word and relying on me to educate them about the world, is a scary one.

What the fuck do I know about life?

When Courtney called me up this time around, my reaction was a little less shocked. This is what we wanted. It was time for us to start our family.

But I still had this feeling in my gut. It was different this time. This time i wasn’t scared of having a kid…  i was scared of losing it.

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My Dog

I love my dog.

Her name is Navi. She is named after a sidekick in a video game i use to play when i was a kid. She is my sidekick.

Every night she alternates between laying down in bed with Courtney, and coming out to the lounge room to hang out with me. The little tag on her collar jingles as she wanders up and down the hallway.

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shopping for grandma

Sorry to the people who have been commenting on this whilst i was gone. I’ve been avoiding coming back here. My mood was a bit shit for the last month or so. I didn’t want to be constantly writing depressing blogs about how everything sucked, so i figured it be best to just avoid it for a while.

But i am back and ready to dribble a bunch of shit for you to read whilst sitting on the toilet.

I should probably start by addressing my current smoking status.

I am on those Champix pills now. I have accepted that i do not have the willpower to do it on my own.

Its been three weeks, and apart from a drag here and there, i don’t even want a smoke.

Sure, i have been having some crazy weird nightmares about people dying and orgy’s and other fucked up things that i would rather not talk about. I also have trouble distinguishing between reality and my dreams when i first wake up in the morning sometimes.

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How many of you guys have your ex partners name tattooed on your body?
I’m going to have a guess, and say the vast majority of people reading this would answer no.
I did it 😐
“You idiot. You are stuck with that for life now. Why would you do something so stupid?”
I was 18 And I genuinely believed what I had was going to be forever.
What could be more romantic than permanently writing that shit on your arm hey? There’s no way that’s a stupid idea..
Couple years later, things turned to shit, someone I considered a best mate did something that best mates generally don’t do, and that was that.

Anyhoo, Forgive but never forget, moving forward…
now I’m stuck with this tattoo on my wrist..
What a fuck up right?
I don’t look at my tattoo with regret. I’m not embarrassed by it.
Because it was life.
it was fucking real. I gave myself to someone. All the good and the bad emotions that came with it.
I didn’t hold back out of fear of looking stupid, or doing something stupid… And it resulted in me saying and doing stupid things.
I eventually became a pathetic mess of a person.
Until one day, I wasn’t. I bounced back.
It was life, a major chapter in my life that is now closed for good. And it’s all sealed away in that little mark on my wrist.
After that, I could have learned from my mistakes, been smarter, more careful.
But instead, I did it again.
I gave myself to another. Head first.
And it was the best thing I ever did.
We connected on another level. And our differing personalities means we have problems sometimes.
And It’s fucking awesome.
Because we work together to get past them.
And every time we get past them, we become even stronger.
In just over a year I’m marrying this person, and I couldn’t be happier about it.
And it never would have happened, if all the things that are stored inside that tattoo of mine never happened.
So, maybe one day I will get it removed, but right now, it reminds me of how I went to a place that felt like hell to my younger, more dramatic self. Yet I came out ok.
Still devo that I lost a friend.
But what can ya do