Tomorrow I quit…again

Here we go again. I’ve stocked up on everything I think I’m going to need to do this. Tomorrow, I begin my 100th attempt at quitting.

This time. Instead of just going out and winging it, I’m laying out my game plan. Im getting pretty tired of pissing into the wind. I have to be real about this.

So here we go. This is my plan.

1. Remember this cycle thingy.


Since my appointment with the psychologist is so far away, I decided to do some of my own research into cognitive behavioural therapy. The lesson I took away from it was…

If you’re feeling depressed, and don’t want to do something, do it anyway…

It’s not the profound fucking answer I was hoping for when I started looking into it. But the more I looked at the picture up there, the more it makes sense.

When I first wake up in the morning, the first thing on my mind is “nope…fuck this”

snooze.

The second time I wake up in the morning, the first thing on my mind is “I need to smoke”

Now if I lay there and tell myself I can’t have one, I’m going to become stressed. If I’m stressed I’m going to start acting out, and when I notice that my behaviour is super cunty I am gong to want to smoke even more.

So tomorrow, the second time I wake up and feel like having a smoke, I’m going to just let that thought sit there. I’m going to get up, brush my teeth and stuff, then go on to do something that I enjoy doing… Probably video games.

I’m not going to fight the urge to smoke, I’m just going to let it be there, whilst I do other shit.

I haven’t really tried this yet, but it sounds good in theory. So we will see how it goes.

2. Avoid triggers

I need to try and stay away from all the things that make me want to smoke. At least for the first week or so.

Here is a list of things that make me want to smoke

  • Coffee
  • Alcohol
  • Sex
  • Driving
  • Walking
  • A decent meal
  • A shitty meal
  • Stress
  • Excitement
  • Advertisements
  • Miserable people
  • Condescending people
  • People in general
  • A Current Affair
  • Waking up
  • Trying to sleep
  • Winning a round of call of duty
  • Losing a round of call of duty
  • Catching up with friends
  • Being alone
  • Smelling other smokers
  • People telling me I’m doing good by not smoking
  • Going to the shop
  • Going to work
  • Having a shower

…you get the point
I’ll try anyway..

3. Stay strong

Sometimes it will be impossible for me to avoid triggers (obviously)

I can’t just not go to work in order to avoid a certain few wonderful characters. I can’t just not catch up with friends because they all fucking smoke.

In these situations I just need to suck it up, and not give in. I will remove my self from the situation for a moment. Take some mindfulness breaths, maybe imagine myself head butting the trigger, have a giggle, and then return fresh as a daisy.

Sounds good hey?

4. Be proud of what I am doing.

Tis is something I really need to work on. Usually when I do a good thing, I just downplay it in my head for some stupid reason. This time I will remember that what I’m doing is fucking hard, but I am doing it, and I deserve to be proud of it.

My supply’s are ready for me in the morning.

I will be soaking those smokes in water though… Just to be safe.

If anyone has any tips feel free to let me know before I get too irritable to listen to you 🙂

Wish me luck… Again

Why I wish smoking weren’t considered “cool”

There’s no feeling quite like coming home after a long night at work, kicking your shoes off, and being welcomed by this…


I swear he does this just to fuck with me…
I received a new vape from my brother the other day. I have already spent a fortune on the damn things. I keep breaking them.

The first one went through the wash. So I used that as an excuse to go out and buy a more expensive one. The more expensive one stopped working for no reason at all.

I was going to try and fix it myself, but there were little stickers over the screw holes that said “if broken warranty void”

So I took it the the vape shop.

Vape shops are weird. There were a couple of kids in the store sitting on a couch watching tv whilst vaping, and an old-ish dude siting on a stool behind the counter, vaping.

They weren’t talking to eachother or anything. Just vaping. I would understand if they were getting high and just sitting in silence tripping out. But they weren’t. They were just vaping. It was kind of unsettling. I don’t know why. Maybe I’m just unsettled easily.

I told the guy behind the counter about how my vape stopped working. He replied “don’t worry. I’ve fixed heaps of these. It’s a common problem”

He busted out his tool kit, broke the “void warranty” stickers and had a fiddle.

After about ten minutes he said ” sorry mate, I think it’s broken. I don’t think I can help you”

…err

“What the fuck man, you just voided my warranty…”

That’s what I should have said.

Instead I replied with “no worries. Thanks for trying.”

Because avoiding confrontation is a talent of mine.

And out the door I went. Along with my vaping days.

But yea. My brother gave me a new one. So I’m going to get back into it.

Yet I am reluctant. Because using a vape has been associated with being really, really lame.

I like to think I’m not too worried about the opinions of others. But I am more likely to pull out a smoke in public eye than I am my vape.

And that really sucks. Because vaping is an awesome tool for quitting smoking.

People say “there haven’t been enough studies done to determine if vaping is as safe as people think”

Well yes, that is correct. But plenty of studies have been done on smoking. And we fucking know that kills people. So if there’s a choice between something that WILL kill you, and something that might, but probably won’t kill you, shouldn’t we be encouraging the latter?

I hate that vaping is thought of as being lame, and smoking has historically been associated with being “cool” it’s essentially the same fucking thing.

In my opinion. It’s all just smart marketing. It’s no coincidence that every badass, rebel and cool guy in every movie up until recently has smoked. It’s product placement, done in such a way that they have been able to create an entire image bassed around smoking.

Smoking is cool because cool people do it, therefore people who smoke are cool.

Take sandy from Greece as an example. All she had to do to become queen of the douchebags was put on some tight pants and whack a durry in her mouth.

What the fuck.

I wonder how many kids went out and bought a pack in an attempt to replicate the “cool sandy” image.

And this is why I’m frustrated that vaping doesn’t have the same image attached to it.

*warning! Conspiracy theory ahead. Please put on your tin foil hats now.*

Imagine you are a tobacco company.

“What? How do I imagine I’m an entire company?”

Just do it ok…

A product comes along that could threaten to decrease sales dramatically.

It wouldn’t take a genius to come up with the idea of starting a viral campaign about how lame said product is.

It makes sense…

It is easier for a person their immediate image, and judgment from their peers, than it is for them to worry about the long term consiquences of smoking.
So mayyyyyyybe we can try stop with the vape jokes? Maybe?

Still trying… Sort of

Woa. I figured out how to automatically post this to Facebook once I write it. How cool.

So

Did I say I was quitting today?

Yea… About that…

I woke up this morning. Put my ugg boots on and Made a coffee, noticed I had no smokes and went to the shop and got some.

In my defence, I am a dickhead, so yea..

I can’t justify it at all.

It’s the whole “two of me living in one body” thing.

There’s the guy who wants to quit smoking and be healthy and positive and chase butterfly’s and shit

And there’s the guy who wants to chain smoke ten in a row and kick the lady who is holding up the line by trying to put $500 worth of shopping through the self serve checkout.

They are just constantly swaying back and forth. It’s annoying as hell.

It was cigarette delivery day apparently. Behind the smoke counter there were hundreds of packs littering the floor.

I looked at them and felt sick. I assumed it was a weeks worth of smokes. Could have been wrong, doesn’t matter. I thought about how that right there, is the amount that people in just this area, who choose to come to this store, smoke in a week. Thousands and thousands of dollars worth of disease and suffering, just sitting in a pile on the floor in front of me. These company’s make a killing from killing people. Bunch of assclowns.

I pictured myself going to the servo next door and getting some petrol, then returning and dousing them. Then I would flick a match and walk away in slow motion whilst “the final count down” plays in the background (I had trouble thinking of a cliche victory song. That kinda works I think)

But I don’t think I would fare well in prison.

Evil! And They have their hooks in me.

I’ll try again tomorrow. I start night shift so there in generally less stress. Unless ofcourse a trauma or something comes in, and then there is heaps of stress, but then I have no one to bludge off anyway.

I haven’t tried this one yet. Let’s see how it goes eh.
Also as of today I started trying to actively connect with other bloggers. Up until now it’s mostly been just for me and friends and family. But everyone seems to like reading it. So why the fuck not.

I don’t know how to go about this though. So I’ve just been searching things like “blog connect” and “WordPress help” or ” I need friends” and then commenting on whatever pops up.

I don’t know if that’s weird. Like, I imagine people checking their blog and thinking “who the fucks this tripper commenting on my shit”

But ima do it anyway.

So far I’ve already “met” four or five people, who have given me tips and what not. So it all seems pretty friendly.

Anyway, if you guys wana share this on your Facebook or whatever. It would be way cool of you. If you don’t, then that’s cool too. I still like you.

I wana see if I can actually make this a thing that I do that people like 🙂

I hate coming up with titles 

I stopped taking my medication about a week ago. I didn’t like it at all. Yes, it worked, I didn’t feel as down as often. But I also wasn’t feeling good either. It was like my mood just kind of flatlined. I wasn’t happy, or sad, I just was.

I don’t want to live like that. What is the fucking point in living like that. Just merely existing. Not feeling anything. Ew.

The instruction leaflet that came with the box said not to immediately cease taking them unless the doctor says. I thought about that nicoret add. How it talks about cutting down and then stopping. So I snapped them in half for a couple days and then stopped. Close enough.

I did freak out for a while. I thought maybe I would go spiralling down into some crazy depression pit that I would never get out of.

But I haven’t yet. That’s a good thing.

I am still keeping my appointment with the psychologist. I really want to talk it out. But I didn’t like the idea of just medicating away my depression. I feel like this for a reason. I feel like this because I don’t like the way the world works, the way society works, the way people work.

Maybe I should just be greatful. I am lucky. I could have been born into a war torn country. Or one of those countries where they stone eachother to death for witchcraft and homosexuality or other random shit. or one where people starve to death and clean drinking water doesn’t exist. Or one where child soldiers are the norm, etc.

It’s a toss up between hell on earth, or just plain shit.

I was lucky enough to be born into a place where we have so much that 8 billion dollars worth of completely edible food goes to trash every year. A place where welfare recipients, drug addicts and homeless and generally considered the lowest of the low, whilst there are people who could baisicly end world hunger by emptying out the change in their pockets, but don’t, and they are respected and idolised.Here I have the opurtunity to work for 40 hours per week for 60 or so years, to allow me to obtain more shit than the cunts I went to high school with.  so I can buy shit produced by those countries where people don’t fucking eat, to keep up with fashion and what not, and say ” I worked hard, I earned this ridiculously oversized house and inbuilt car seat warmers so my ass doesn’t ever have to touch my cold leather seat. cold leather seats are for peasants”. All the while everyone’s bombing the fuck out of eachother because land ownership, God, and profitable wars are things.

Look, If people want clean drinking water they should just fucking work hard like me. Bludgers..

Anyway, apart from all that, things have been pretty positive lately.

I needed more stuff to do so I wasn’t sitting around thinking all the time. So I got myself a skateboard. I fixed up my old skate shoes with supplies from our first aid kid, MCgyver style, and I have been having so much fun on it. Just cruising up and down the esplanade for a few hours. I think I pulled a muscle in my ass though. Also my foot was getting some really sharp pains in it. I dunno

I’m also currently trying to learn computer code. I’m not entirely sure why yet. I just seen a thing on the internet about how Obama apparently said everyone should know how to code. I’m not gonna argue with Obama.

It’s actually really fun. Very challenging, but it provides me with multiple epiphany moments every time I do it. Because of stupid shit like forgetting to capitalise a letter. After spending an hour searching for my mistake.. BANG.. I’m totally a genius.

Tomorrow, I will attempt to do my favourite thing in the entire world.

I’m going to try quit again.

Wish me luck people. We all know I really need it.