Running the spartan race

On Friday night I was quietly shitting my pants.

I had printed off the “death waiver” which listed off all the ways that I could get really fucked up, or die, during the spartan race.

What have I gotten myself into…

Why the fuck didn’t I train…

This isn’t going to end well…

Saturday morning I pinched a piece of Vegemite toast off Courtney to ensure I had something to fuel my body.

I then went to the servo and bought two of those massive Gatorade bottles. I only wanted one but they always do two for like a dollar more. The electrolytes are good for your body when you exercise…according to the label.

We then made the 40 minute drive to the race location. I had to stop once to pee. I’m not sure if it was just nerves, or the fact that I already finished one of my two gatorades.

When we arrived the earlier race had already stared. We walked under a net bridge thing, past a bunch of rope climbing obstacles and a big climbing wall that started vertical, then went horizontal, and then back to vertical.

None of this was making me feel confident. I’ve never climbed A fucking rope. I did do some rock climbing when I was about 10. But we had harnesses and I was too young to think about how much bad it would be if I fell and landed on my noggin.

My support team was with me though. Courtney and her parents were there. They made sure I didn’t do anything stupid like leave my phone on my pocket.

There were people warming up around me. Stretching and what not. I thought I had better do it too. I did that one where you put your arm across your body and then hold it with your other arm. I then attempted to touch my toes.

We all grouped up behind the start line. Some guy on the microphone told us to high five the person next to us. I turned to my left and awkwardly slapped hands with the guy. He then started yelling into the microphone.


Everyone shouted “SPARTANNN”

The energy levels were making me uncomfortable.



I think I’m in the wrong line…



And then off we went….

My plan was to just try and keep at roughly the same pace as the dude I high fived. But he was already near the front of the pack. So there goes that idea.

We jumped over a few triangle bits of wood and started running up a hill. People were starting to walk already. I thought to my self “hey maybe I’m not going to do so bad after all”

By the time I got to the top of the hill I understood why they were slowing down.

I couldn’t fucking breath. I was literally gasping for air. We weren’t even five minutes in.

I knew that if I thought about it too much I was going to give up. So I told myself to just shut up and focus.

And that’s what I did. For the entire race.

I didn’t know I was capable of thinking like that.

Every time I thought I was too exaughsted, or thought about how much longer was left to go, I changed my focus to what I was doing at the time, and just kept going.

I crawled through cow shit under barbed wire fences, climbed all the ropes, carried a fucking sack full of sand up a massive hill, and then back down again. I did all of them.

Who even is this person inhabiting my body right now. What happened to the guy who sits for hours on end playing video games and orders 3 pizzas to himself..

I felt good!

Towards the end my resolve started to wear out though. There was a bon fire that we were suppose to jump over. Cameras were set up next to it. I think that was meant to be like the “victory shot” or whatever. I walked up to it and stumbled over it.

There were two kids holding those gladiator Sticks ready to beat people up just before the finish line. I asked them

“Do I really have to run through you guys”

He replied

“No, you can go around”

He pointed at the signs that said “gladiators” and “no-gladiators”

Fuck it. I’ve come this far…

I walked towards them. I think they could tell I was done, as they just kind of nudged me with the end of the sticks and then let me go.

And then that was it. I crossed the finish line.

I completed the fucking race.

I felt great.

I could hardly walk, but it was great.

I did a thing!!!!

I learned a few thing about myself by doing this too.

Number 1.

I hate commando crawling.

Number 2.

There is some kind of drive, somewhere inside of me. I was able to really push myself. It’s deep down I’m sure. But it’s there. I need to figure out how to tap into it at will.

Number 3.

I actually really enjoyed doing something. I achieved something, and it was  hard. Imagine what I could have done if I actually trained before hand. If I had of stuck with the original plan and dedicated my self to it. Instead of being my usual lazybones self.

Number 4.

Maybe don’t push myself quite so hard next time. As I am now crook as a dog.

Thank you to everybody who donated. We were able to raise over 1000 dollars. Holy crap. I will be getting in touch with Beyond blue at some point this week to sort out the transfer. Also to see if it’s too late to get that shirt they were gonna send me. As I forgot to email them back about it.

I guess all that’s left to do after that is think about what’s next….

One thought on “Running the spartan race

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s