A cautionary tale

Todays blog was supposed to be about how I have signed up for the spartan race, and how I am raising money for charity. I was going to go into detail about my current fitness level, and begin to track my progress through this blog.

but something happend that I feel is more important.

i need to warn people about this.

so here we go…

i attended the gym today with my mate Aaron. He is helping me to train up for this race that I am going to be doing. It was leg day, and I have these scrawny little pegs attached to me. So I really sucked.

but I was still very sore. So when I got home I thought I should do some preemptive recovery.

I ran myself a hot Epsom salt bath. I soaked for about 45 minutes. I jumped out, dried myself off, and got hold of some of this stuff..


(Extra strength. We don’t half ass things anymore in this house)

I didn’t bother to put clothes on. Nobody else was home and it was my legs that needed the attention anyway.

i squirted a good amount into the palm of my hand and rubbed my hands together in order to get a good spread. I then began vigorously massaging it into the muscles on my legs.

i began with my calfs, and worked my way up to my thighs, outer and then inner.

in my attempt to get it deep into the muscle, I must have accidentally brushed up against the old meat and two veg a couple of times. It tingled slightly, but I didn’t think anything of it.

as the seconds passed the tingle started to become a mild burning sensation.

It was at this point in time I thought to myself “I should probably chuck some undies on before doing this next time”

oh how I wish I had this thought before hand.

i think the best way to describe the pain that I felt in the next few seconds would be, ten thousand ants. These ants decided to get together and launch a co-ordinated attack against the lower half of my scrotum.

IMG_0589(imagine these… stinging my balls)

it was excruciating. I didn’t know what to do. my first reaction was to rub the burning area. brilliant idea huh.

my hands we’re still covered in deep heat.

it was becoming unbearable.

I ran into the bathroom and jumped back into the hot bath to try and wash it off. I began frantically rubbing my junk like a bored baboon at the zoo.

If I weren’t in such a panic at the time. I would have done a quick google search for “deep heat on testicles”

if I had of done that, I would have found out I wasn’t the first person this he happens to.

i also would have come across this piece of advice…


worse was an understatement…

the fire of 1000,000 suns began to burn between my legs.


(Cute photo? Turn it upside down and witness one of the greatest pains known to man..)

This was getting ridiculous. I was rocking back and forth in the tub trying not to cry.

i had to try something else.

i jumped out the bath and ran to where I left my towel in the lounge room. I grabbed it and started scrubbing. I just kept scrubbing. There was nothing else I could do.


(No time to dry…)

i contemplated going to the emergency room.

if you think I’m over exaggerating, try rubbing some of this stuff on your bits and let me know how it goes…

thankfully after a few minutes the pain began to subside.

This experience was traumatic. the lesson I learned today is, never apply deep heat to your body in the nude… ever.

im not sure if I will ever use the stuff again to be honest.

Anyway, I’m just gonna drop the like to my gofundme page here. If anyone would like to donate, it is for a worthy cause. Any donations will be greatly appreciated. I’m already so close to my goal.

just click the link below for more information.

My Beyond blue fundraiser

thank you.

5 thoughts on “A cautionary tale

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