About that secret..
I read on a blog about blogging that click baity titles like that are how the “pros” do it.
Does anyone else ever look around at the world we live in, and just see one big act?
Sometimes it doesn’t feel real.
I watch people doing things without ever questioning why they do them.
Or at least not that I know of….
They get up.
They go to work.
They come home.
They watch tv.
They go to sleep.
And they have no trouble sleeping.
Or at least not that I know of…
I can’t help but think. What is their secret?
Are they truly happy?
How do they manage to keep living this boring, controlled, repetitive existence without that existential fear of wasting their lives grabbing them by the balls and twisting them until they can’t manage to get themselves out of bed in the morning.
Or are they just better at ignoring it than I am?
I mean I could probably find ways to keep myself distracted.
Fill my day with hobbies and activities to stop me from overthinking things.
Play bingo or something…
But that won’t stop me from going to this place every time I climb into bed.
Maybe I need to go on a holiday.
It would be great to get away from everything for a while.
But then, that’s not really much of a solution.
Living in hope of getting away from reality for a little while.
I do that every time I play videogames for 6 fucking hours straight.
Same thing isn’t it?
Maybe it’s just the depression talking. Maybe I can just medicate these feelings away.
Maybe I can get drunk? I have fun when I’m drunk and retarded.
But then is that what I want?
To just be content with mediocre?
Be happy that I am not the person I dreamed of becoming?
Be proud that I can’t be the hero that my partner deserves?
To keep doing the same shit every single fucking day, over and over again, without ever really doing anything, until I eventually drop dead?
What is the point?
I should be happy though.
According to society, I’m a white privledged male.
The world has been given to me on a silver platter.
I am in no position to be complaining about my life.
Literally everyone else has it way worse than me.
So why the fuck do I end up in this place all the time?
I just don’t understand what we are doing here.
Why are we living these superficial lives?
Why do we buy things?
Why do we work jobs we don’t enjoy?
Why do we live for holidays?
Why do we mow the fucking lawn?
Seriously… I give zero fucks about grass…
Why have we created this weird culture with ego at its core and materialism as its biggest driving force?
Why do I want to be a part of it?
Jesus Christ I sound like I’m losing it…
I just want to find that sense of purpose that other people seem to have.
I don’t even know what the fuck it is.
That thing that will drive me to make a better life for my partner, and myself.
If anyone reading this knows what I’m talking about in this confusing ramble, please share it with me.
I could do with a hint.
Or better yet, an in depth, detailed description.