Week two: in the kitchen with Nathan

When I’m on nightshift it is really hard to muster up the motivation to do anything at all.
So it was really inconciderate of me to decide to start some new year, new me bullshit this week. This is suppose to be my week of doing fuck all.
But luckily I stumbled across some website whilst searching for online courses that had a massive discount going on. I searched the word “motivation” and the first course that came up was how to build your motivation- $200 dollars, discounted to $15.

I’m not sure if I just got an insane bargain or hustled for $15 bucks. But who cares, I need motivation dammit!

The guy starts off talking about how he was apparently just like me, something about internalised character flaws, makes a statement about how his email use to have over 100 unread emails in it…


But he then made a really good point.
He said consistent small steps amount to big things.
That makes sense. See I was going to just try and smash an entire salad this week. But I know I would just gag my way through it and then be no better off than I was before.
So I’m going to be teaching you all how to cook spinach and ricotta cannelloni.I don’t actually know how to cook it myself, so this is going to be a learning experience for both of us.
This is a small step, but it’s also kind of a big deal for me: I don’t think I’ve eaten anything green since…
So here we go
Welcome too

Step 1.

To begin, you will need to get hold of these ingredients.

Don’t worry if you don’t know what the fuck a passata is, I didn’t either, so I just used tomato soup.

I also didn’t understand why I had to use not frozen frozen spinach. So I just bought not frozen spinach.

Feel free to omit the basil and parsley. One nasty green is more than enough.

Step 2.

Pour some oil in an oven proof dish, and then coat the bottom of the dish with tomato soup like so

This will create a base for your cannelloni.

Step 3.

Take your not frozen spinach and chop it up. If you are anything like me, you probably won’t want to do that. So I suggest using one of these things.

Step 4.

After spending about five minutes holding down the on button, you will notice that it isn’t actually doing anything…

Remove the half chopped spinach from the piss weak chopping machine, and bring out the big gun

You may need to add a little bit of water so the spinach is heavy enough to fall onto the blades.

Step 5.

What the fuck…

Step 6.

Combine ricotta, salt, pepper, Parmesan, and the mold looking goo you just created in a large mixing bowl

Then stir until combined.

Step 7.

You are now prabably thinking to yourself “I really don’t want to fucking eat this”

Well too bad, you committed to making a semi healthy meal for yourself. You will follow through on this.

You should also go and pre heat the oven to 190 degrees. I forgot about that.

Step 8.

Line lasagne sheet out and place some of the rancid mixture at the end of one of them 

Yes, it looks disgusting. But we are just going to cross our fingers at this point and hope by some miracle it turns out ok.

Step 9.

Roll the lasagne sheet up to form a tube and place in the oven dish. Repeat this until you have 8 tubes

They kinda look like enchiladas. I’m unsure if they are meant to or not.

Step 10.

You may find that you have made way too much of the spinach and riccota mixture. So I suggest slapping it on the top. Then pour the rest of the tomato soup over it and sprinkle with cheese.

Step 11.

Place on oven and let it cook for roughly 25 minutes. Maybe try squeeze in a quick game of overwatch.

Step 12.

Remove the dish from the oven. 

Don’t worry about the fact that it is swiming in cheese. You can never have too much cheese.

Step 13.

Gently place a cannelloni onto a plate. Being extra careful not to slop it on the side

Step 14.

YOUR DONE. You can now enjoy your absolutely disgusting looking, but surprisingly enjoyable, green slime caneloni

Bon appetite!
Bonus step.

You should probably clean up the huge mess you just made. But if your partner happens to be away on holidays, you can just go to bed and worry about it tomorrow.

3 thoughts on “Week two: in the kitchen with Nathan

  1. Ohmigod, ohmigod, I’m dyin! 😂😂😂😂 You did definitely get frozen spinach and thaw it out because you can easily just run a knife I’ve it a few times! So proud of you, duder. Also, I take it you’re Nathan? I’m Melanie 😁


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