Apparently I have depression

‘good evening everyone, and welcome to The latest instalment of Nathan’s backwards attempt at self improvement.

On tonight’s episode, Nathan goes to the doctor and  gets diagnosed with anxiety and depression!’

(shock) (awe)


originaly I wasn’t going to tell anyone at all about it except for Courtney. I felt embarrassed, kind of ashamed, weak. It seems like the kind of thing that shouldn’t really be shared with the world. I was worried people might look at me differently.

But then I thought fuck it, and decided to write a blog about it. This type of thing seems to be pretty common now days. It explained quite a bit about some of my behaviours and thought processes. if anything, it will just help myself and others understand why I do some of the retarded stuff that I do.

they started me on medication as of today. It made me feel like I wanted to vomit for like 8 hours. Didn’t really notice much other than that. Day was normal, patients were positioned, cigarets were smoked, video games were played.

Apparently it can take a few weeks to start working though. So we will wait and see how that goes. I am also booked in for some sessions with a psychologist so they can try and psycologisze my shit.

One step forward, two steps back. Ay carumba (That is the worst phrase to try and sneak past auto correct)

im unsure as to wether I should put my quitting smoking attempts to the side and focuse on this, or try and do them both at the same time like an absolute legend. I know I will probably fail if I try both, but I can’t use this as another excuse to just keep smoking. I don’t bloody know.

why can’t I just be one of those people that is super well adjusted and has mad monies and says shit like “smoking is bad, mkaaaaaaaay”

‘On the next episode… Nathan wins the lottery and buys a rocket ship and flys to another planet where the tobacco makes you live forever. Stay tuned’



One thought on “Apparently I have depression

  1. Nathan, you are a courageous young man. Yes depression is common (I’ve had it myself for years but never did anything except concentrate outside myself, which kept me half-way sane). Once we accept it I think we can also accept there are plenty of reasons to be depressed so it’s not an ‘insane’ reaction to life. We just need to understand our own particular ‘brand’ – a psychologist can really help with that, I’m starting with one myself). We also need to understand that it has nothing to do with weakness so toss that one. I’ve been a strong person all my life and that enabled me to ignore the nagging feelings underneath but I don’t want to ignore them any more and wish I’d tackled it when I was your age. I didn’t have your kind of courage. Nor for the smoking but I gave it up eventually. You can put it to the back of your mind for a little while then perhaps incorporate it into your counseling. I wish you all the best in your endeavors. Love, Magi


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