Ok, so i kind of failed already…
I mean i have still quit as of today, but when i woke up this morning i still had half a packet of smokes in my pocket.
My morning coffee and cigarette have been part of my routine for a very long time, to be honest i struggle to find a reason to get out of bed without it.
I made a deal with myself. I would have my coffee and 1 smoke, just to get the day started, and then the rest would go in the bin.
So half way through my third smoke i realised i am an idiot. I was putting off what i had to do. I was delaying saying goodbye to old mate for as long as i possibly could.
I stood up, threw the half smoke i had onto the ground, grabbed the rest of the packet and stormed inside to run it under the tap. I was super empowered and shit!
The only problem was that this is my signature move when it comes time to quit. I get all passionate about not wanting to smoke anymore and destroy an entire pack, and then 3 hours later i am in line at IGA, mad at myself for both wasting a whole pack and buying another pack.
I told myself that it has to be different this time. I have to mean it.
The first 3 hours were no problem. I just focused on cleaning up the house, played some video games. I told myself how easily i am going to do it this time.
After the third hour i began feeling slightly irritable. Its not like i was absolutely desperate for a smoke. Just everyday things became more intolerable. The T.V was unusually annoying, so i switched it off. The dog ripped one of her toys to pieces and i just wanted to tell her off, even though i knew it was pointless and mean (i didn’t tell her off).
I remembered how much i despise doing the dishes and decided i needed to get out of the house.
I said to myself “If i cant have a smoke, i am at least going to go get myself some fucking junk food”
I pulled up at the drive through speaker box. The girls voice was really high pitched and her patronising customer service tonality made me want to instantly drive off.
I got my food and went home. By this time the inner dialog had begun.
“Maybe i should just have one more, just to relax myself”
“Don’t be stupid, I have quit! Besides, where the fuck am i going to get one smoke from?”
“…..unless i dropped one in the car somewhere”
“No! I am not even going to go look. That is pathetic.”
“Then again, I would like to not be a dick when Courtney gets home from work”
“NO… just stop thinking about it…”
I really dislike the person i become when i quit. I am rude, irritable and quick to anger. Half of the times i have failed, it has been because i didn’t like the way i was treating people.
I need to learn to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. I need to accept that i am going to feel like being an asshole, but also try my hardest to not be an asshole.
One of the reasons i no longer want to smoke, Is the fact that i am helping to make someone rich, by paying for my own slow suicide. Smoking is known to be more prevalent among low income earners( I am assuming that is because well off people are better educated, and therefore smarter when it comes to choosing their poisons…but i don’t actually know)
That means that tobacco company’s are making billions of dollars a year from the suffering and death of the worlds poorest people.
They sell a product that people literally cannot stop buying.
Tobacco companies have become so powerful, they actually have the ability to sue small country’s who attempt to prevent people from smoking.
That is some crazy super villain, world domination stuff.
In 2015, A whole heap of Australians were strongly in support of the execution of two small time drug traffickers, because there product endangered the lives of the public.
How many people have died from tobacco use?
Those fuckers have been doing it for years, and will continue to do it for years.
And its all legal and great and they just keep selling death to suckers like me.
I wont support them any more.
This has been day one.
Day two is always worse, plus i will be at work tomorrow.
Should be fun..